God, maybe this is where You really want me to be. And I admit, the journey was never easy. I know. I know it was not supposed to be easy. But I am glad that I got by. I am proud of everything that I’ve been through, and I know You are too.
You saw everything. You saw how I started. You were there when I officially decided to change and take the long walk with You. You were here when I shifted from the easy road to the mysterious and uncertain narrow road. But what convinced me to change gears was the assurance that You will always be with me through every step. And You did. I’m glad You did. I am grateful that You’ve placed certain people in my life that encouraged me to pursue a deeper relationship with you. Of course I listened to them. I guess I haven’t got any other choices there. So I did. I trusted You.
I soared higher and higher. I got used to flying along the heights of life with Your hand holding mine. I was never afraid because I was confident that You will never let go of me. You didn’t.
But I did.
I let go of Your hand because I thought I can manage things on my own. At first, I enjoyed the whirling wind of life’s enjoyment and incentives without worrying what lies beyond all those things. I thought things were just right and I can handle my self even without You. I found myself dancing along the melody of independence and selfishness. I looked proudly at my self because I thought I was just doing the right decisions.
I took You for granted because I knew that You love me. I knew that You are an understanding and gracious God so I lived my life the way I wanted.
Until I felt that something was wrong
That something was missing
I let my self lose everything that You have provided me with along our journey. I forgot everything that You did for me. I forgot about Your grace. I forgot about Your love.
I got so clouded up by the things in front of me, not knowing that they were hindering You from getting close to me again.
I know You’ve been trying to win me back.
I know You’ve been pleading for me to come back to You.
But I was stubborn and all I thought about was my self and the things I thought held my identity.
But everyday. Every single day. I’ve been yearning for something I can’t find anywhere, no matter how hard I try.
I guess I was looking for You.
I ran back home. Back to Your arms so full of love and grace. You drowned all my fears in Your perfect love. You showed me the real meaning of forgiveness, and danced with me and with the heavens as You declared that You’ve found me again. That Your child has come home already.
I felt the joy that comes from You. It was incomparable. I realized that all the days I spent alone with the world fall short of the sudden joy that You can give in a matter of seconds of coming back to You.
“No matter what you did. No matter how long you’ve been away. It doesn’t matter. Just come back. Just come home”.