What I Want You To Know


I couldn’t say that my life would be better without you, yet at the same time, I also couldn’t say that having you would make everything perfect for both of us.

I see that many things would be at stake.

But let me tell you that you have been one of the most important people in my life. That what we have is something I cannot find in other people. I want to cherish every memory that we have built and I believe that as God paves the way for both of us, we will continue to enjoy life even at its toughest state.

I want you to know that I cannot thank God enough for putting you into my partly-shattered life before.

You’ve been one of the reasons why I managed to stand up again and face life with a clearer view as my eyes had been washed with much tears during my times of distress.

With the most sincere attitude of gratitude, I want to thank you for always being there as I utter my most dramatic rants and huffs against life’s fate.

I can tell you that I will always be here to support you in every season of your life that is about to come.

You didn’t know that I was one of the proudest people behind you as you receive every achievement and recognition that comes from the Lord. And it gives me an immeasurable ton of joy every time you tell me about each of your answered prayers.

You don’t know how many times I’ve told God that I want to witness your journey towards success and growth.
We still have a lot of years to face.

There are still a lot of things to discover along our individual journey.

And as we both patiently wait, God wants us to improve our selves and enjoy every season that He is about to bless us with.

No matter what happens, you will always be one of the best people I will look on to.

Words by: Nicola Rose Mangulabnan

Photo from: Robert Jonathan David


What I promise

“But this is it—God, the universe, fate, destiny—they intervened and there’s nothing I can do to change what has happened.”

If gaining the best for myself means letting you go, then I must be willing to do it. If losing a connection with you right now means opening myself to new connections around me, then I’d rather choose not to hear anything from you. If not giving you the ability to see me in my weakness means being capable and undaunted of my own frailty, then I’d give you the satisfaction that I am doing well and fine by myself.

I must grab this opportunity to grow, to recover all the time that I’ve lost, to discover new things, to create new relationships, to make wonderful memories especially with my friends and family, to achieve the things that are ahead of me, and to become this woman I’ve always wanted to be.

I can’t deprive myself of the true joy that I fully deserve.

But choosing to end things with you and putting myself first doesn’t mean that I’ll stop loving you. Because in the back of my mind, you’re still there, a space in my heart that will forever be occupied by your existence.

You left a mark on me that no one could ever replace.

And what I promise to never stop doing, is to love you by praying for you, wishing what’s best for you in life and hoping that you’ll have everything you’ve been dreaming of.

An open letter to someone I never had

The endless questions from people who are also trying to figure out what we really have when I can’t even give myself the answers.

You never know how hard it is for me to settle with the uncertainties everyday. To convice myself that not having a label is just an easy status to cope with.
I always have this fear, you know. This fear that one day, I will wake up to know that you have already fallen in love with someone else.

You will never know how hard it is to resist myself from restricting you from getting too close with other women because I know and we both know that you are not officially mine, that I do not have that right to tell you the limited things that you are allowed to do.

We both know each other. We know that we are still not ready for a labeled relationship. We both know that we still have our priorities right at the top of our personal lists.

I admit that there are times when I doubt if we are at the same page of the book. If you are feeling the same thing that I feel whenever we see each other, whenever we talk, whenever we laugh at our corny jokes, whenever we throw puns at each other.

But we are happy. We are contented with what we have and I can say that it is what’s important right now. The joy that your mere presence gives to me is way more important than a label.

Every time I think about my visions, I always pray to God that He would let me be the one to come with you as you climb your mountain. I really want to support you with all your decisions in life. I really want to encourage you everytime you feel dismayed and disappointed. I really want to share the strength that I have with you. I really want to look forward to my future with your figure in it. I really want to cheer you up whenever you’re tired of dealing with life’s disappointments.

I want to be that woman to cook for you our favorite pasta dish. I want to be that woman you will get to watch movies with every weekend. I want to be that woman to clean your messy working desk full of scratch papers and cups of caffeine.

Within a matter of a few months, I can say that we’ve been through a lot. We’ve done a lot of things together. We have attended counted events together. We’ve experienced worshipping God together. We’ve exchanged numbers of promises to each other. We’ve celebrated a number of achievements that we’ve attained within the last months with each other.And you don’t know how thankful I am that God has given me someone like you to share my life with.

All those moments that we’ve shared, they will always be precious to me. Every taken photograph will always be a treasure for me.

Knowing that you care for me,knowing that you don’t have any other else to share promises with, are enough reasons for me to hold on even if what we have is without a label.

You know how special and how important you are to me. And you will always be someone who I will look forward to reaching out for tomorrow with.

I will always be here for you no matter what. My shoulders will always be available for you to lean on. My hands will always be free for you to hold on. My ears will always be willing to listen to your rants and stories.

Your name never fails to show up on my prayer list. And I am confident that as we both wait for the right season, we will be there for each other as we try to improve and develop our own selves along the process.

Please be patient and more understanding. You don’t know how I cry to God almost every night as I speak my prayers: for Him to keep you in my life, for Him to reveal to us the purpose why He let us cross the same road.

Not everything is certain and sure as of now, but I know that as we continue to seek God more, He will give us the desire of our hearts.